Often I need to step back and remind myself to give myself a break once in a while. I've spoken before about how the standards I hold myself to are often impossible to meet and when I don't, the voice in my head is more than happy to tell me all the ways I've fallen short.
--Minor digression-- When I first started seeing C for therapy, he asked me who the voice in my head was. So at the time we named the voice "He who shall not be named" as I found it highly amusing. I just call the voice "Mort" now for short.
Mort is pretty hard on me and also pushes me to make crazy goals with the hopes and knowledge that I will fail.
Last weekend, I looked in a mirror and was disgusted with myself...again. I vowed to make dramatic changes this week and going forward. I would no longer eat out at lunch with my coworkers, I would eat breakfast every day consisting of yogurt smoothies so I'd get my calcium and a little protein first thing, I would no longer drink caffeine, I would no longer eat out with my family other than maybe one time a month, I would exercise more. I think there may have been another goal or two, but at this point I'm not sure.
I went out to eat with my coworkers 4 days this week. I brought home Little Caesar's Pizza for dinner last night. I didn't turn on the Wii exercise game once. I overate at home. I bought Everlasting Gobstoppers at Target in the Valentine candy aisle.
Mort is having a field day.
The logical, realistic, rational me though says that I need to give myself a break. I did give up caffeine this week. Even though at one point I drove through the Caribou Coffee parking lot so very close to giving in, I continued driving and didn't stop. Even though I had a horrible week at work, I didn't drink a drop of coffee or buy a soda from the vending machine. I tolerated the caffeine withdrawl headaches and made it. I drank disgusting Yoplait Light Smoothies every morning this week. (I've never been a fan of breakfast, so eating anything in the morning is going to turn my stomach. At least I can just gulp these down and be done with it.) I took a 10 minute break 3 times this week and did two brisk laps around the warehouse which is about the equivalent of 2 square blocks in total. I did at least try to make smarter choices when we went out to lunch.
In my mind it's not much and I failed horribly, but I need to allow myself to accept that at least for this week, it's enough.
7 years ago
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I'm familiar with impossible goals. I always want to change everything in my life at once. Overall, I've found it works better for me to pick one or two small goals and focus on them rather than set myself up with too many goals to possibly succeed at.
ReplyDeleteWait, what? Mort is out there bothering other people besides myself? LOL! This post is one I could have written myself almost word for word. Along with all the other stuff, I also tend to pile on extremely high expectations regarding my work as well. I run myself pretty ragged all the time, and when I don't check everything off my list of impossible things to do (which is as long as Calvin's list to Santa), I feel bad. I try to cut back and give myself a break, but that doesn't last very long.
ReplyDeleteAny suggestions or breakthroughs on how to deal with THIS will always be most helpful! :)
~ManDee
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