I think years ago one of my posts focused on my fears about passing on my anxiety and depression to my daughter, Alanna. At that time my therapist had told me that if Alanna did end up suffering from either or both that I was the best mom she could have because I'd been through it personally.
I still struggle with this. Am I the best mom she can have because I've been there and am doing that? Or am I the worst mom because I passed it on to her in the first place? Chicken or the egg?
Last night Alanna came up and told me, "Mom, I feel like crying but I'm not sad." I could literally feel my heart break in that moment. I went straight in my head to the worst case scenario. "Oh no, my daughter is exhibiting depression symptoms. Ok, how do I deal with this? What do I tell her?"
It turns out my husband, J, is probably the better mom in this instance. He remained cool and collected and sat down with her to write down what she was feeling. I suppose perhaps he's so good at it because he's been my sounding board for the past 16 years. Some of the things she came up with were:
Scared
Sad
Frustrated
She described it as a weird feeling that she'd never had before and that it "was like a wave splashing over me."
Honestly, I'm glad she feels like she can share her feelings and that we are the kind of parents that don't discount them out of hand. It's likely hormones. We're in for quite a ride if she experiences the hormonal shifts I did growing up.
I guess I should buckle up and get ready. Perhaps part of that will be blogging her symptoms and my responses. If nothing else it may help identify a pattern or point out if there end up being red flags.
8 years ago
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I'd bet that hormones are at least playing a role. But I also think that she's at a stage developmentally and socially that life just starts getting a little harder. Cliques start to form in school, she and others will start to notice differences between themselves,I think the media starts to have more of an influence on tweens. But A has parents that aren't going to shame her for her differences. And if she does have some tendency toward depression, she has parents who will listen and not judge her for her feelings. Plus, it's clear you're teaching her to like herself. I wouldn't stress too much about it - I think A has a whole lot going for her.
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