The Uncarved Block

I've begun rereading "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff.  It's been probably a decade since I'd last looked at the book and it felt like the time to read it again.  Over the past two years the constant worry and anxiety I used to feel including the need for my mind to constantly race has gotten better.  Things are still pretty busy up there in my head, but it's a far quieter place than it used to be.  As it's gotten quieter, I've felt that I am missing something spiritually, that I'm a bit off-balance and need to re-center.

So tonight I have a few thoughts on the Uncarved Block.  According to the book, "The essence of the Uncarved Block is that things in their original simplicity contain their own natural power, power that is easily spoiled and lost when that simplicity is changed."  Hoff goes on to say, "When you discard arrogance, complexity, and a few other things that get in the way, sooner or later you will discover that simple, childlike, and mysterious secret known to those of the Uncarved Block: Life is Fun."

I think that's what I've missed all along, the fun part.  I look at my beautiful little girl and the absolute pure joy she experiences and am wistful.  I want that.  I know that there was a time in my life where I enjoyed things just for the sake of being happy in what I was doing at that particular moment in time.  I want that back.  I think I'm closer to finding a way to get that back now than I've been in a very long time, but I still find that it often dances just out of reach. 

I'll experience a moment that borders on fun and the grown up in me will push me back from the ledge and convince me that I should be doing something more adult and practical.  

Yesterday, I scared the bejeebus out of my husband and frankly, it was fun.  He and Alanna were sorting miniatures in the downstairs living room when I came down to switch laundry loads.  Something compelled me to duck to the floor and crawl back behind the couch.  My intent honestly was to surprise Alanna as she'd been trying to be sneaky earlier in the day.  I truly thought J had seen me when I came down, but apparently he hadn't.  He came around the corner of the couch and screamed bloody murder.  I admit, I laughed hysterically.  Even writing about it now makes me giggle a little.  Pure unadulterated laughter just because I was in the moment and did something *gasp* fun that was spontaneous.

I need more spontaneity in my life.  I need to allow myself to follow that child-like lead from time to time and tell the adult to back off.